Atheism and Your Spouse: A How To
04 10 08 - 10:41 Let's face it, religion is a touchy subject for a whole lot of people, and it can be difficult to have an open, honest, and rational conversation about it sometimes. Whether that's fair or not is certainly up for debate, but let's say that you've already decided that you can't reasonably continue to believe in the religion that you used to (or was raised to) follow. You've long since shed any beliefs as a theist, at least privately, and the existence if God seems like an illogical assumption for one reason or another. Now dealing with those issues in your own mind can often be a challenging and time consuming process, but letting your spouse (and possibly your in-laws) in on your beliefs can be a very delicate matter. So, now what? What do you Do? How do you go about telling them? It's a difficult question and one answer may not be good for anyone. Telling your spouse that you no longer share in their religious beliefs will not be an easy thing for either of you, and depending on the level of their belief and the part it plays in your relationship, it can be a vital crossroads. For many people religion is the crux of their existence. It's where they may derive their morals, values, life's meaning, and even their over all purpose for being put on this planet. As such it's possible that they'd have a difficult (to say the least) time imagining you without such a compass to guide you on your way. As a result, it may be easier to decide to “stay in the closet” and keep your religious beliefs to yourself.Whether this is a reasonable or rational thing to do will depend upon your own specific set of circumstances. If religion is a deal breaker for your spouse or his/her family, then you may not want to give them up in exchange for letting them know your true feelings on religion. On the other hand it also means you may have to continually go to and participate in religious ceremonies you've long since deemed useless. This can lead to resentment toward your spouse or his/her family as you continually pretend to believe in a religion you discarded long ago. If you wait too long and tell your spouse eventually, it could become even more difficult to explain why you hadn't brought up for months/years/decades.
The whole issue has the potential of being a constant emotional drain, and that's a place you simply don't want to be. If you do decide to tell your spouse, always take their feelings into account. You should know them well enough to have a handle on how their reaction will be. It's important to avoid attacking their religion and always being sensitive to what they have to say on the matter. Even if they react harshly or are taken aback in shock at your telling them, it's important to take the high road.
Also be sure to prepare yourself, mentally and emotionally, for a potential confrontation. Don't look nervous, even if you are, so that they know you're being serious. If they have questions, respond as calmly and rationally as you can. Even if you don't have all the answers, it's ok to point out that no one does. Explain that you've thought long and hard and come to a position that you find reasonable and rational. Hopefully, this will allow you to come to a decision that benefits the both of you and nurtures an open and honest relationship. Good luck!
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